That damn knocking..

Early this morning I was awoken by a knocking sound. Every few seconds *knock knock* but I was unable to judge the source of the knocking.

At first I assumed it was my dad had woken up and was fidgeting, knocking on his bedside locker perhaps to the beat of a song. I quickly ruled this out as he was still asleep.

Unable to return to sleep, I get up to investigate. *knock knock* it continues, me still unable to perceive its origin.

I glance out the window, there’s been a hard frost, windshields frozen over. It must be someone cleaning the ice away! Nope. The street is empty.

The knocking stops, relief! I can go back to sleep! I lay down, get under the blankets. *knock knock* it begins again, the extended interval timed to perfection, much like how some people (definitely not me) like to leave their hands up just long enough that’ll you’ll try a high-five and then drop at just the right moment leaving you hanging.

I suddenly think, maybe it’s that evil mouse who has been tormenting me, back with an extra devilish plan. I picture it beneath my floorboards with a little tiny mouse hammer, smashing it against a little tiny mouse gong, which then reverberates through the house.. No that would be crazy..

I frantically move around my room, trying to find the source of the noise, it must be the mouse! I’ll try scare it away! I stamp on the floor try to make enough noise to scare it. *knock knock* it fails.

Maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way, maybe the mouse wants affection? And on I turn Wham, Careless Whisper aimed at the floorboards, *knock knock*.

I decide it’s probably not the mouse..

The knocking continue, *knock knock* I reply “Who’s There?!” How could I have been so stupid, this was a real life knock knock joke all along! Cursing my stupidity, I anxiously await the reply, hoping beyond hope they don’t say ‘banana’ or ‘interrupting cow’, I don’t think I could have coped if they had. I get no reply.

*knock knock*, I try again, “Who’s There!!?” Nothing. Mustn’t be a knock knock joke.

Now I’m annoyed confused and tired, no clue where this knocking noise is coming from, no indication that it will stop and I can rest again. I go in search around my house.

The first door leads to an empty bedroom, the next door an empty bathroom, the third to a pond filled with ducks, the usual. As I approach the fourth door, I hear a murmuring coming from behind, smothered voices I didn’t recognize.

Opening the door, I see who else but two green ghouls!

Instantly they look up, alerted to my presence, I don’t know whether to run or to say hello. They are standing over a briefcase full of briefcases, like a Matryoshka doll (Russian nesting doll – the ones with the dolls within dolls – dollception BWAAHHH!!).

Intrigued, I stay still watching what lays before me, until one of them yells and starts towards me. A chase is afoot.

I run back down the corridor I had just walked up through, but now instead of there being 4 doors the corridor doesn’t end. Wacky music begins play, I can’t tell whether it’s in my head or if someone is watching all of this unfold and choosing the appropriate sounds.

Running past about the 20th door, the corridor is now endless, my house turning into some giant mansion, the green ghouls are catching up on me. I run to the next door, and open and run inside.

Coming though the other side, I find myself behind the green ghouls! Now I have the upperfoot! Now I am the chaser in this chase! For a moment it makes sense, they run away from me fleeing for their lives.Then we all come to our senses and they begin chasing me again.

In the midst of the chase, we somehow appear in a cave, a large lake looming before us. I’ve never seen this lake before, so I decide that I should really keep my eyes open, I mean I live in this house, how did I never see the lake before?

On the edge of the lake lies a canoe, with paddles at the ready. Looking to flee, I hop into the canoe and start paddling. They hop in right after me, canoes in their hands as well. We end up paddling the whole way across the lake, the moment taking us, forgetting the chase.

Leaving the canoe, the cave comes to an end returning to the corridor I was so familiar with until today. They’re close now, I need an escape route, so I try another door.. We’ve somehow gotten downstairs, but once again, the hall has become endless.

This door leads me to the dining room. Thinking fast, I quickly throw on the waiter’s clothing which just happens to be laying there. Just in time as well, as the two green ghouls appear.

“Ah welcome sirs, will you be dining with us tonight?”
“Blurgh blah urgh” they reply.
“Yes sirs, that is perfect, thake a seat right hear, I will be over to you momentarily with some water, please look at the menu!

I come back with menus and their drinks, taking the opportunity to tuck their napkins in, to slow them down when I must run. They play their orders wtih a “urgh blurg burgh” and away I go.

While I have the food cooking they grow impatient. As the smell of buring food reaches their noses the come to the startling conclusion that this wasn’t even a restaurant, that their waiter was in fact me, the person they had been chasing all along.

They catch me by surprise while I’m cooking and singing, I had become too engrossed with the act and forgotten I had been trying to escape. I should have gotten Mystery Inc. with their pesky dog to do the investigating for me.

The green ghouls have me in their grasp, I don’t know what they want from me, so before they can do anything, I say: “Seriously, what was with the knocking? Why did you wake me up?”
“Blur furghle durg”.
“Huh, what? What are you saying?”
Taking off their masks, they retort, “That wasn’t us! Why did you interrupt our business!?”
A little more confused now, “I was looking for the sounds, I didn’t mean to and I don’t know what you were doing.”

“Ah well okay then, pretend this never happened?”
Encouraged, I answer, “I think that would be quite the amicable arrangement”
And just like that, the green ghouls depart back to their briefcases within briefcases, my house no longer mile long corridors.

*knock knock* I had almost forgotten, but now I just give up. Perhaps it will stop some day, perhaps I will be plagued with the knocking for the rest of my life. I resign myself to the fact that I won’t find out what is causing it.

*knock knock*, and then it stops.

It was definitely that stupid mouse.


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